struggles.

I struggle. I struggle a lot. And I struggle with much.

Am I a good mom? Am I a good wife? Is my house clean enough? Is it organized? Are my kids learning to be messy because of me? Am I feeding my kids and husband the healthiest foods? Am I teaching my kids to feel entitled and irresponsible? Are my kids getting the best education? Should I home school? Should they stay where they are? Is everyone getting enough exercise? AM I??

Am I a good daughter? sister? friend? Do I make an effort to reach out to my friends? Geez, maybe not, and maybe that’s why I never hear from them anymore.

What am I doing with my life that is purposeful? (I don’t have a job that helps the family income, what value am I providing instead?)

Every single day I have thoughts like these. I hate them. I hate feeling like I’m inadequate or not good enough. I want to just enjoy life without these thoughts always in the back of my mind. How can I do that?

I believe that God has a plan for me. I am Ian’s wife. I support, encourage, and love him. I have three kids to love and raise. I am child of God above all, and there is much I can do in that. God’s work can be done everywhere and is endless.

So, why do I struggle? Why do I continue to question my purpose? I don’t really know. I’m not one for resolutions. Instead, I like to set goals and make plans. But I’m stumped on this one. I’m not sure how to give myself the slack I need. I don’t know how to let go of the things that bother me about myself. Maybe admitting these things and being honest about my weaknesses will help me in the year ahead. Maybe I just need to write about these ugly truths. Could that be how I finally end the struggle?

I suppose I’ll find out.

3 thoughts on “struggles.

  1. What the you bring to the light, He is faithful to heal! You’re an amazing friend and mom! I’m sure you’re an amazing wife too! And although you didn’t write this to receive a pep talk I just thought you should know! Talk about them if you need to, the devil loses his power when you bring it to the light! Can’t dangle that crap in front of you anymore! Love you Nis!

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  2. You are not alone in having these thoughts. I have had all the same thoughts and continue to have many of them even at my age. There is a battle going on to rob our peace, but praise God, he has shown us how to keep our peace. Phil 4 (the whole chapter is great) tells us the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds. So my prayer for you is that you be anxious for nothing, and the peace of God will be with you.

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  3. We all struggle with these thoughts! As a stay at home mom, I often wonder if I’m enough. And honestly, I’m not. I’m not enough. But God is and He is in me. God is enough in me and that’s what I have to trust in to battle those thoughts of inadequacy.

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