Can I just admit something? Can I say it out loud?? I am tired. I’m so tired of this. I am tired of having to keep it together. I am tired of telling everyone the story of what happened to Ian. I am tired of hearing what amazing people we are. I’m tired of surgeries. I’m just tired…of everything.

I’m laying in my bed with Ian sleeping next to me. He had a hard evening. He was lightheaded, in pain, and nauseated. I despise seeing him so miserable. Enough already! Hasn’t he been through enough? The poor guy almost died, had surgeries to amputate his fingers and legs, and has dealt with pain from his prosthetics, among many other things. He’s been through things that most of us will never experience in our lifetime..and he is still not done. To make matters worse tonight, I have to be mean and force him to eat and take his medicines when I know he doesn’t want to. “If I throw up, it’s going to be your fault,” he said to me. “For making me take these.” Great. Yes, I want you to take this antibiotic and pain pill so that you can throw them back up in a few minutes… Because I really want to clean up your throw up.. And I don’t want to see you get better. That’s it. Yeah, right.

He did take his medicines and hasn’t thrown up yet. So far so good. Let’s pray that he will keep them down.

I feel like I need a good cry. But I’m afraid that if I start I won’t be able to stop. And I’m not sure what that would accomplish. Anything??

Please pray for Ian. Pray that he can rest and wake up feeling better. Pray for his hand to heal quickly with no infection… Lastly, and most importantly, pray that the result of this surgery would exceed any expectation that he had. I feel so much better when Ian is well. I really don’t like seeing him like this.

We are so grateful for his life, for wonderful doctors and their wisdom, and for the support of our friends and family. God continues to take care of us. He teaches me that when I am weak, he is strong through me and for me. Thanks for continuing to pray for us. We are so thankful!!!


6 thoughts on “Tired.

  1. If writing this letter didn’t help then have a good cry. You won’t lose it. You will feel better. There is only one way that you will get through all of this and my heart is comforted that you know that Way… and you love Him in the midst of exhausting sorrow. Feeling your pain… loving your heart. Hugs, Trish


  2. My heart goes out to you all in this struggle. I’m praying for you, for Ian, your kids. Go ahead, have a good cry. God knows your heart and won’t let you down.


  3. Denisse,
    I’m walking a similar path, however, my husband is battling terminal cancer. I know Vanderbilt Hospital like the back of my hand, have fought/dealt with more doctors than I can count, and yes, I’m also tired. Yes, have a good cry. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. It’s great to know that I can add one more person to my prayer list. God’s got this…I know you know that. It’s just good to hear folks say it. He is faithful and He will carry us through to the other side.


    1. Thank you for your kind words, Ronei! It has been a long road, but I agree that God’s got this!! I will add you to my prayers too!


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