I went for a run tonight. That is a huge accomplishment for me. When I opened the running app on my phone I saw that my last run was November 23 of last year. Major fail on my part. I’m going to try to get going with running again. Our best friends are adopting from China so we have to get ready for another Chosen Marathon in October. Woo hoo! I’m going to do my best to get Ian to run it with me this time. He doesn’t know it yet. Its seven months away… that should be enough time for a double below knee amputee to re-learn to run and train for a half marathon, right? Right!
During my run I had a lot of time to reflect and pray. I listened to NeedtoBreathe while I ran. This was an album that I listened to a lot while I was trying to sleep in Ian’s hospital room when he was sedated and intubated. It brought back some memories for sure. I thought about the crazy alarms that went off at all times of the night that startled me awake. I remember the nurses coming into his room with a Doppler machine to listen for pulses in his feet. I didn’t realize that they already knew his feet would be severely damaged. I was always so relieved when they actually found a pulse. It was kinda like going to your OB to listen to your baby’s heartbeat… it was so nice to finally hear that beautiful sound. Then my mind wandered to last Easter.
I LOVE Easter! It is the day that it was discovered that Jesus had risen. The grave could not contain him… After being nailed to and dying on a cross, God rose Jesus from the dead and he is alive!
Last Easter was like Christmas to me. I had been praying and fasting for God to heal Ian’s dead black fingers and feet. I believed that when I woke on Easter morning, Ian’s fingers and feet would be healed. I had faith like a child. I remember waking up… As soon as my eyes opened I looked over at Ian, who was still sleeping, and found his fingers. Still black. I was disappointed. Not my will, LORD, but your will be done. Looking back on it, I think I realized then that God’s will was not going to be to heal Ian’s dead black fingers and feet.
Fast forward one year, and this Easter I am reflecting on how far our little family has come. It has been a long, hard road…but we have never been alone. God has blessed us through relationships with people we have met. God has generously provided for our every need. God has revealed so much of himself to us and our children and we are forever changed. Ian is anxious for the day when we won’t talk about his therapy OR his new legs OR his new thumb OR anything related to his sickness. I am anxious for God to reveal to us why this happened. I believe that it happened for a reason, and I pray that God would give me a little glimpse of his plan and how he is using us in it. Maybe he will and maybe he won’t. Either way, I trust him completely and believe that this plan for us is better than any plan I could have come up with.
Easter is not about bunnies. Easter is about a Savior who died to save us. He saved Ian, but don’t forget that he also died to save you.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16